A couple of years ago I was studying a bachelor of Theology. The lecturer got up and read a prayer by Julian of Norwich.
“All shall be well, and all shall be well and all manner of things shall be well”
I wanted to jump to my feet and yell, “HELLO – all is NOT WELL”
It is NOT……. WELL. ……..
Have you ever felt like this?
I know what the lecturer was trying to do, she was trying to centre us.
We were about to discuss the topic of homosexuality. The course subject was ‘Sexuality and Spirituality’. It was a brilliant subject, I loved it. It was controversial and there were people in the room from all walks of life with differing theologies and opinions and all of us reacted differently to this prayer.
Did the poem resonate with me? Yes. Strongly.
I was strongly opposed to the comment because obviously all was not well in my world and it triggered me.
I also trigger to what I call ‘Alice in Wonderland syndrome’. I have a couple of people like that in my life. They only relate if things are happy. They do not want to know about hardship or trauma. The conversations go something like this:
‘Lisa how are you’?
Not very well actually.
‘Thats good dear’.
How are the kids going?
Well (insert name) is an axe murderer and has been put in jail.
‘Thats great news, I’m so happy for him’.
It’s a rare person who really wants an answer to the question. How are you?
How would you respond if you got the comment. “Everything is awful and I’m not okay”?
If someone says this to you please listen.
Don’t go with your fear and shut down. You might be the point of difference in their world. Take the time to ask WHY?
You don’t have to have the answer, you just need to listen.
Here are some questions to ask yourself or someone if they feel that everything is awful and they are not okay.
Sometimes it is a trauma response or the person may be in a depressed state. Often it is also a physical response. It is important to be aware of why the person has responded this way. If it is a physical state then these questions below can actually help and they show that you are listening and are concerned.
This is taken from the website of Eponis. Snipe on Tumblr.
Are you hydrated?
If not, have a glass of water.
Have you eaten in the past three hours?
If not, get some food — something with protein, not just simple carbs. Perhaps some nuts or hummus?
Have you showered in the past day?
If not, take a shower right now.
Have you stretched your legs in the past day?
If not, do so right now. If you don’t have the energy for a run or trip to the gym, just walk around the block, then keep walking as long as you please. If the weather’s crap, drive to a big box store (e.g. Target) and go on a brisk walk through the aisles you normally skip.
Have you said something nice to someone in the past day?
Do so, whether online or in person. Make it genuine; wait until you see something really wonderful about someone, and tell them about it.
Have you moved your body to music in the past day?
If not, jog for the length of an EDM song at your favorite tempo, or just dance around the room for the length of an upbeat song.
Have you cuddled a living being in the past two days?
If not, do so. Don’t be afraid to ask for hugs from friends or friends’ pets. Most of them will enjoy the cuddles too; you’re not imposing on them.
Have you seen a therapist in the past few days?
If not, hang on until your next therapy visit and talk through things then.
Have you changed any of your medications in the past couple of weeks, including skipped doses or a change in generic prescription brand?
That may be screwing with your head. Give things a few days, then talk to your doctor if it doesn’t settle down.
If daytime: are you dressed?
If not, put on clean clothes that aren’t
pajamas. Give yourself permission to wear something special, whether it’s a funny t-shirt or a pretty dress.
If nighttime: are you sleepy and fatigued but resisting going to sleep?
Put on pajamas, make yourself cozy in bed with a teddy bear and the sound of falling rain, and close your eyes for fifteen minutes — no electronic screens allowed. If you’re still awake after that, you can get up again; no pressure.
Do you feel ineffective?
Pause right now and get something small completed, whether it’s responding to an e-mail, loading up the dishwasher, or packing your gym bag for your next trip. Good job!
Do you feel unattractive?
Take a goddamn selfie. Your friends will remind you how great you look, and you’ll help fight society’s restrictions on what beauty can look like.
Do you feel paralyzed by indecision?
Give yourself ten minutes to sit back and figure out a game plan for the day. If a particular decision or problem is still being a roadblock, simply set it aside for now, and pick something else that seems doable. Right now, the important part is to break through that stasis, even if it means doing something trivial.
Have you over-exerted yourself lately — physically, emotionally, socially, or intellectually?
That can take a toll that lingers for days. Give yourself a break in that area, whether it’s physical rest, taking time alone, or relaxing with some silly entertainment.
Have you waited a week?
Sometimes our perception of life is skewed, and we can’t even tell that we’re not thinking clearly, and there’s no obvious external cause. It happens. Keep yourself going for a full week, whatever it takes, and see if you still feel the same way then.
You’ve made it this far, and you will make it through. You are stronger than you think.
No two people are the same; you are encouraged to customize this document to your own needs, abilities, and resources.
Copyright Sinope (eponis.tumblr.com), 2015. This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 International License.
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